Craig D. Ward passed away on this date in 2002. His 49th birthday was two days earlier, but if I recall correctly, he was in the hospital. He was sent home with his wife, Joy.
When I found out he was home, I called and asked if I could speak to him. Joy told me he was in a coma.
Yes, I was in serious denial. I’d heard of so many people who beat cancer, who survived. If anyone could do it, it was my big brother, Craig.
On this date, in 2002, my wife and I were staying in a hotel, and although my memory is good, I can’t tell you what city we were in or why. According to my records, Estelle, a psychiatrist, worked in San Luis Obispo, CA at the California Men’s Colony (a penitentiary) from Dec. to Feb, so we must have been there.
What I remember was sitting on the bed in a motel when the call came in. My niece, Ali (brother Bart’s daughter) called to tell me that Craig was gone.
According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the five stages of learning to live with grief are, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think I took the first two at the same time.
I was angry! Why? How could it be? I know so many other people have gone through the same feelings, but until now, it had only been intellectual knowledge — not experience.
Estelle tells me it is natual to have an “anniversary reaction” and feel these experiences again each year. She also told me that the best way to accept the loss and honor the memory is by memorializing our loved ones. That’s the reason I go public each year at this time.
Estelle lost her beloved younger brother in 1999 when he was only 45 years old. She’d lost her mother only three months before. And in a couple of years, her father passed away. My parents are gone now too, so we have come to accept these holes in our lives.
I also grieved for Joy, who lost her father not long afterward in the same way she lost her husband — cancer. That must have been such a heavy blow.
My hope is that by reading these memoires, you may also find acceptance and even comfort over your own losses. And for those fortunate enough to still have their family members with them, don’t take a single day for granted. Never say “Good-bye” — just , “See ya later.”